You should read at least a couple paragraphs so you can tell yourself and your priest you only told a little white lie, instead of the monumental whopper you know you are really spinning. While you're at it, you better do some pentance for looking for porn in the first place, eh? Your priest will probably be understanding about it and not be too hard on you. Maybe you can be his alter boy next week.
Ok, enough said on that subject. Let's get on with the B.S. so you can go look at the dirty pictures you came for. We recommend you put your boots on. It's going to be a wild ride.
UNDER PENALTIES OF PERJURY, I DECLARE AND AFFIRM THE FOLLOWING:
I am an adult pervert, being at least 18 years of age (or 21 if that is the legal age where I live) or I have at least graduated from the fifth grade and I'm not married to my sister.
This site contains graphical depictions of naked animals. (What's the big deal, you've all seen naked animals before, haven't you?) There is no pornography here; well, unless you consider XXX Hardcore Animals with no modesty and no shame having SEX in public places pornographic. As previously mentioned, there IS nudity. So tell the kiddies to go find something better to do so you can get on with looking at the HOT nekked pics.
I am NOT accessing this material to use against the site operator or any person whatsoever in any conceivable manner. To meet this objective, I promise I will rap that rascal. If I use it in an inconceivable manner, I promise I won't leave my used condom lying around for innocent minors to make water balloons with or for my mother to clean up. But if I break that promise, I will do my mother to make up for it.
I will not redistribute this material to anyone or put it up on my website and claim it is my work, but I will feel free to link to it or use the Send to a Friend form to forward the URL to all my friends that like to look at naked animal pictures and are just as depraved as I am.
Nor will I permit any minor to see this material, or plumbers, or the Maytag repairman, lumberjacks, or pet activists, or any other person who might find such material personally offensive. I promise not to show it to my elephant. On the other hand, if you like this sort of free porn pictures, send me your telephone number and maybe we can get together, unless you'd find THAT offensive.
I am not a pig farmer, law enforcement officer, cop under the covers, pervert in a gorilla suit, nor a postal potty inspector, and I do not eat red meat, except for pussy or big weenies. I am not operating under an assumed name because I don't have a license to operate, but I'll play doctor-nurse with you. But I won't share my lollipops.
I am not viewing these free porn pictures in cooperation with any criminal investigation or debt-consolidation or at a mental institution where I am a patient; nor am I seeking out evidence which may serve as the basis for any charge of violating federal, state, or local obscenity laws. I have better things to violate.
I understand and state that I am retrieving material from a location
where it does not violate any federal, state, or local obscenity law or community standard to view free porn pictures, and agree to bear the full, complete, and sole responsibility for bringing such material into whatever community I choose to do so. I agree I am one sick puppy looking for a cheap thrill.
I understand I do NOT need a credit card to view this free porn site because it is FREE. That is a good thing because my credit is so fucked, no one will give me a damn credit card. If I had a credit card, I would buy a pornographic magazine instead of surfing one handed, hoping my wife (mother, significant other) doesn't catch me.
Furthermore, I agree to review the material before retrieving it and assure the operators that any material which I retrieve will not violate the federal, state, or local obscenity laws or community standards for the community into which I choose to bring the material. I will show this material to my sniggering coworkers who are goofing off on corporate America's time only if no laws will be violated by doing so. (Company rules are a different matter and, of course, are excluded. In fact, we encourage you to waste as much company time as possible, as long as you are getting paid for it.)
I agree my exposure to this material is with my full consent and is to be used solely for my own private entertainment, and that such entertainment will not violate the federal, state, or local obscenity laws or community standards for the community from which I am viewing this material. I understand animal pornography can lead me to discover life's true meaning. Or at least give me an understanding of how life is created.
If pictures of unclothed wild animals, of decadent, uninhibited farm animals and exibitionist housepets doing the dirty deed in public offends or bothers you, please LEAVE NOW AND DON'T EVER COME BACK, you twit. You're wasting our bandwidth. You probably pick your nose in the car, too.
However, if you enjoy looking at naked animals, involved in every dirty fetish known to animalkind, (and a few you haven't thought of yet), then CUM IN NOW. (Don't ya just love it when we talk dirty?!!)
If you really did read ALL of this, you have too much free time on your hands. You're going to go blind from squinting at the computer screen instead of doing "that other stuff." You need to get out more.